Thursday, December 5, 2019
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Why we don’t speak Vagina : The deadness of Female Sexuality

In language classes I learnt that there are several types of languages, maternal language, and the dead language amidst others. A dead language is a language that new words cannot be added to and also not widely spoken.

VAGINA

An example is the Latin language; it is only spoken in religious services and the Vatican City.

It is also important to note that Latin is also a maternal language; it has produced other different languages like French, Portuguese, Italian and Spanish.

The vagina or as most people who write will say the female genitalia is a maternal language that has produced more than the Latin language, it has produced you. It is also a dead language in the literal sense.

 

It is no news to us that the vagina is a troublesome topic to discuss. In fact sexuality is not an encouraged topic for discussion even within the family. I am trying to imagine how everyone in my family will react to this piece. It is rather a problem to be managed. Culture, society and even religion have “delivered” the vagina to be something “spiritually unhygienic”.

 

Sexuality is a taboo topic; most girls never really understand what is happening with their bodies once they commence menstruation which is a part of the female sexuality. Very few people celebrate the commencement of a girl’s menstrual cycle; some view it as the “female illness”,the ability to bear children.

 

On the contrary a lot of cultures celebrate the coming of age for boys, initiating boys into adulthood. Girls get warnings instead of advice. Do not play with boys or let anyone touch their vagina “down there”, be watchful when, where and how they sit and not to play “rough”. They are then taught to be frail, passionless. They must not touch “themselves” and must scrub thoroughly before coming out of the bathroom.

 

It is notable that religion plays a significant role in making the sexuality of a woman almost invisible. This signifies that the way the female sexuality is handled is tantamount to the way the female folks in a society/religion are treated, whether with respect or disrespect, derogatorily or with care.

 

Sometimes I wonder how the faith (religion) that makes you a fit worshipper suddenly make women spiritually unclean within the days of her menstrual cycle. After which she will have to go through the ritual of purifying herself from “herself”. This “holy” segregation does not help the female gender.

 

Naomi Wolf in Vagina a new biography wrote “To understand the vagina properly is to realize that it is not only coextensive with the female brain, but it is also, essentially, part of the female soul” the vagina in this context includes more than the labia, clitoris, G-spot, vaginal canal or uterus.

 

It is the surface of something much bigger than the skin or the parts of our bodies that fingers can reach and some other parts we cannot name because we do not know our bodies or care to find out.

Moreover, women take love, intimacy and sex seriously, yet we never discuss what we take seriously. How’s that? We rarely educate ourselves as women, we do not talk about our sex lives because it is private business, very few get creative during sex or suggest positions because it is supposed to be the “man’s business”.

 

The few who dare to challenge these constructs are sometimes not supported by their partners because some people will say “you cannot change the way things are.”

 

As a feminist, I am very much interested in both sexes. I esteem none above the other. The prescriptive construct of man modelled woman-I am in no support of. Where women are told to be like men, have friends with benefits because it is a sign of “self- confidence”, I am opposed to the “feminism” that fashions women to be like men-do not be gentle, nice or do not smile,sit or stand in a certain way.

 

This is in no way, feminism at all. Women are women, men are men, and nothing can change the biological, physiological or neural wiring. Even transgendered people cannot completely change themselves. It is not trivial minded to have feelings, or pathetic to want to be loved by someone else. It is what we are subject to, something bigger that we cannot fight or change.

 

Very recently, I learnt that sexual satisfaction or female orgasm has nothing to do with patriarchal system, cultural background, sexual education or pornography but neural wiring. My mouth was agape. Interestingly, the neural wiring differs for every woman, and no two women have the same wiring.

 

This means, while I can have an elusive orgasm, yours can be easily attained. While mine could be vaginal/clitoral yours could be at the mouth of your cervix. Another interesting finding is that the woman has about eight thousand nerve “down there” in the pelvic region.

 

These nerves connect with the spinal cord which lead to the brain meaning women have different orgasmic spots while the men have about three thousand with a uniform neural wiring.

 

The vagina produces in a woman the feelings that will cause them to want to create, try new things, communicate, analyse and surpass. These feelings are released mostly after a very satisfying orgasmic love making.

 

One of such is dopamine which makes a woman difficult to direct or manipulate against herself. It makes a woman confident. Oxytocin; “the cuddle hormone”, “the mother and child bond”, helps women to bond easily which is the reason why women feel more attachment, more affection after sex.

 

Opioids is also activated during sex, this is the “bliss” feel , “cloud nine”, it fills one with energy, drives away fatigue and creates an addictive type of happiness the same way dopamine released in the brain of someone who just had cocaine makes them react.

 

Female orgasm which can lead to ejaculation, also increases testosterone, I know you thought that was strictly a male hormone or “thing”, I thought so too. Females release testosterone which in turn boosts a woman’s libido. So great sex, female ejaculation not “squirts” produces testosterone, this boosts a woman’s libido, making her more assertive and will love sex more.

 

It is right to say that there is truth and reason to all the secrecy attached to female sexuality in the patriarchal and religious society. They shut up the female sexuality, preaching sex only for procreation. It is their attempt to keep the woman “in control” because if she likes it, she will want more of it and she will no longer be in control.

 

The way people scrunch up their faces when you say the word vagina should not be the judge of the matter. It is indirectly telling a five year old girl that she is not human enough or a part of her is not welcomed in the society.

 

What are we supposed to do? Bury a treasure of sexual pleasure to please some societal “tradition”. The very reason we should stop female genital alteration (mutilation) is because it is killing the “glory” of a girl, a very significant part of her.

 

I never heard my mother talk to me about my vagina, probably because my grandmother did not tell her. Today I have the utmost confidence to talk about my vagina, menstruation and every other thing happening in my body that involves my sexuality because it is the core of my being.

 

I am amazingly proud that I am a woman, the steps I took to finding myself and it interests me to want to know more about myself, my body scientifically, emotionally and in every other sphere.

 

A woman has the capability, creativity and a sensitivity that may never be unlocked if she does not access her sexuality to the full extent. It is important to say that creativity can boost the sex and sex can in return boost her creativity.

 

We’ve heard of female writers, artists and professionals who have done their life’s best after a sexual awakening. It is regrettable that many women never get to maximise their potentials because their sexual lives is under lock and key.

 

The woman is a very beautiful, mystical personality with a lot of “god knows what” that we cannot fully understand because she is immensely enormous.

 

Thus, making her worthy of being the topic of discussion or a dissertation title. Her sexuality should not be hushed or banished under the context of religion or culture but expressed and discussed without discretion.

 

 

By Ipinlaye Oluwakamiye

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